He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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