Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh god it's open bar.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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