i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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