I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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