I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
