New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the liver wants what the liver wants
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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