Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
