I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
