Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
