She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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