you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
