So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
