My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
