i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
