Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I heard we made out
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
