In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
