This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
