I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
