she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize