I accidentally had phone sex last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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