nut hugger
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
