wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
