i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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