he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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