She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
