I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
