I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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