I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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