Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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