This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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