You can't special order awesome
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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