I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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