You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
