he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My ass is underappreciated
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize