remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
