I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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