I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
