No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
