he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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