i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
