stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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