Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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