I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
