My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Two words: nipple clamps
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