Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
