did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
