Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
love makes seman taste better
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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