i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Floor bacon is actually really good
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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