I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
