I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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