Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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