don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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