I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
