took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
