:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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