Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
