yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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