Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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