Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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