ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
