Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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