maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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