I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
