what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
