I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
