Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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