my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
