I just cut my nipple shaving
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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