Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
