I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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