I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
