i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
