did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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