I'm drive I can fine osifer
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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