shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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