she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
