Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
