Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I need moral support for this bender
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
