Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
