omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
