there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
