Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
