with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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