Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
