Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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