just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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