WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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