I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
