I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
